The long version
I have decided to simply “link” to the long version for those who like detail (see below). Why did I even write a long version? Partly because I wanted to, for my own sake, trying to remember and piece together what happened, and so I can look back at this weird time in our lives, and partly because there were so many questions, especially the first week or so, that I kept retelling the same story over and over and I got to the point where I didn’t want to do so yet again.
In the near future, I plan to highlight the “things I’m thankful for” section. You’ll find it reworked and rewritten (porobably significantly) as a tale in its own right in an entry in the next week or so so stay tuned for that, as they say.
In the meantime, know that we’ve gone from winter (complete with snowstorm) earlier this week to summer in a matter of a couple days as it often does. There’s no such thing as spring here it seems some years. The daffodils have buds and will bloom this week for sure, maybe even starting tomorrow. The kids are all four out with Steve at this moment, gone to the park to play. He took three yesterday. Today it’s Jonathan’s turn to join in and I think he’s going to love it. They’ll come home for dinner in a while and then they’ll be off to get some ice cream. The thermometer say’s it’s 77.5 degrees (all of them are in pants and the two youngsters are in long sleeves - what was I thinking?). In any case it’s lovely and he’s got the camera in tow so hopefully (someday) you’ll see pictures.
So, here’s the “long version” and an attempt at answering these questions without have to “retell” it too many times.
Tuesday morning (April 3rd), I was working steadily on the computer doing accounting and trying to get things ready to file our taxes. My mother-in-law was here watching the kids to free me up for this task as she offers to do every year. My eyes were feeling kind of “buggy,” I thought from staring at the computer screen too long, and I was feeling a little nauseous, though honestly it hadn’t even been an hour when I started to feel that way and I pushed a bit to get in a good hour and a half before taking a break. It was the kind of feeling you get when a headache might be coming on so I decided to run an errand and return some things at Costco to get some fresh air, and doing so w/o the kids is much easier. That did help clear my head a bit but I still didn’t feel well when I got home so I lay down to take a nap. I was fidgety and unable to sleep and feeling even more nauseous so I decided to get up and wandered downstairs. I thought about offering to walk to go pick up the kids from school to see if the fresh air would help again, which my mother-in-law was going to do for me, but decided against it. She left to get them and I, for some reason, ended up standing by the kitchen sink, looking out the back window, feeling like throwing up but not actually doing so.
Things were spinning at this point and I was very dizzy - seemingly suddenly - and I thought sitting down, or even lying down, sounded good. Honestly not much was clear to me as it was rather wild (spinning if I moved even slightly) and I was very nauseous and all in all just didn’t feel well. But standing at the kitchen sink was not a place I could stay. From here I remember being on the kitchen floor (things still spinning wildly) and then finding a way somehow to crawl to and climb onto the couch. I’m really not sure how I got there, nor why I didn’t throw up in the process, but I remember doing it, eyes closed (that helped things not spin as bad). I believe I discovered there on the couch that I had a rather large lump on the back of my head and wondered if I’d fallen in the kitchen. All evidence leads us to believe I passed out somewhere between the kitchen sink and the floor though I have no recollection at all of leaving the kitchen sink, falling, hitting my head, or even “waking up” on the floor. Honestly everything was a bit fuzzy and I don’t remember much, probably a combination of how awful I felt, trying to concentrate and not move so things didn’t spin (which is very “distracting” and it’s impossible to think when everything is going violently in circles), and also more than likely from having hit my head. But I do know that things were spinning while I was still standing up at the kitchen sink feeling nauseous. I’m certain – very certain – of that, if nothing else.
When Mom got home with the kids, she found me lying as still as possible on the couch so as to keep things from spinning. At my request, she got me a bowl and “spotted” me while I crawled up the stairs to my bed where I spent the rest of the day, occasionally throwing up, and doing all I could to avoid moving in any way I could since when I did things spun absolutely out of control and made me nauseous. The short version from here is that I called the on-call doctor around 8pm after several rounds of throwing up, which didn’t improve things much as I’d hoped they would, and was told to drink green gatorade (to keep hydrated), eat bananas (I opted for a couple crackers), and visit my doctor the next morning. Jonathan had an appointment at 10:30 and since we weren’t even sure what it was for, I just took his spot. At this point, we really didn’t know if I had gotten the stomach bug that was going around, or if I was throwing up from being motion sick from all the spinning, or if I’d had a migraine, but that didn’t explain the spinning either. It did seem to me that as long as I stayed still, my stomach was fine. I did get to sleep and stayed that way all night without throwing up again. The next morning, my priority was to get clothes on (since I needed to go to the doctor eventually) and make it down to the couch until time to go before Steve left in case we needed him for any reason. Getting dressed caused me to throw up, as did coming downstairs (one step at a time), but lying on the couch wasn’t too bad and I was able to get to the doctor’s ok if feebly and wobbly. The conclusion of that visit (aside from more vomiting) was that I had a concussion, and that the nausea was not an illness but a symptom of the vertigo (motion sickness basically), and the vertigo was caused by either a blockage in my ear canal, or a viral infection in the inner ear. He gave me medication for the vertigo (to help calm down the spinning) and exercises to do to remove the blockage if that was the cause for the vertigo. The medicine kicked in pretty well by Thursday (I could see some positive effect by Wednesday evening and had stopped throwing up - yay!) and I was “functional” (though largely lying on my back). Mom left late Wednesday afternoon and Steve cared for me and the kids that evening. I found help to come over on Friday morning but after a number of calls, hadn’t come up with definitive help for Thursday. There were a couple folks I could call if it got to that, and we decided to just work with it since I could now actually pick up Jonathan if need be without falling over. We made it through Thursday without having to call anyone and I decided that evening, since I was feeling up to it, to try the exercises the doctor gave me. Well, I tried them and almost passed out again. Fortunately I was in the middle of the bed and fell backwards onto a pillow without falling off as things spun wildly and I seriously questioned the value of these exercises. I felt the worst I had in two days again and still Friday AM felt queasy, I believe a result of the exercises. My call to the doctor confirmed that no, I shouldn’t try them again and we figured that confirmed that the vertigo was from a viral infection. The slow improvement even before going on the medication was evidence of this as well. The help Friday morning was great but Elizabeth had trouble napping so my “quiet rest time” wasn’t very long and I was really glad when Emily and Matthew arrived home from school. But soon thereafter, Elizabeth vomitted all over the couch poor thing and dizzy Mommy got to clean that up with Matthew’s assistance while heroic Emily helped clean Elizabeth up by taking her to the bathtub (I joined her to be sure Elizabeth was clean and ok after Matthew and I finished dealing with the den) and Jonathan screamed from in his crib that he was being left out of all the fun. It was a memorable afternoon but we made it through it all ok. Elizabeth didn’t keep much down the rest of the day but Steve came to our rescue as soon as he got home (he’d been forewarned via email shortly before leaving work).
I was so glad when the weekend came and Steve was home but it was a tough weekend; Elizabeth was sick again Saturday morning, there were lots of emotions, my head was really hurting, and there was a lot of underlying stress with difficult communication, feelings raw from the pain and the dizziness, and the older kids were a little out of sorts as well, probably from being needed so much more than usual, not to mention the usual “Easter” hubbub and wanting to have a nice meal, going to the grocery store and the dump, coloring eggs, egg hunting, and more. Naturally I didn’t go anywhere, even church. I stopped taking the medication in the middle of the night on Friday and went to half the dosage as well, and I truly began to notice the pain in my head (I think the nausea and the vertigo had drowned out the pain rather completely until Saturday morning). On Monday, life more or less went back to “normal” (except for me decreasing my activities to the absolute bare minimum and getting help to get the kids to and from school). It was an ok week and by Thursday I almost felt fully functional. I was able to begin working on the taxes again, drove, and ran errands on Thursday, driving for the first time since it all happened. I stopped taking the medication and felt ok, though still not normal and occasionally dizzy. Friends who’ve had this before have told me the symptoms could linger for weeks and the doctor said the concussion itself could impact me for 2-3 weeks or longer, esp. the headaches.
I’m now more than two weeks out and realizing how significant the concussion was (I learn things slowly) and how seriously I need to take how I’m feeling. I’m completely functional, but lots of things tire me out (like going places and doing things), make me dizzy (like walking, lifting and pushing), and I find myself unsteady and borderline nauseous at times. Carrying Jonathan, esp. up and down stairs is something I do carefully and only as needed. Holding him for any length of time is to be avoided if at all possible unless sitting down. The actual picking up and putting down make me really concentrate on my balance and keeping my head steady. Wrestling him into or out of his clothes is a real challenge. I can do it but I have to really concentrate, as with many things. Walking up and down stairs I do slowly and walking for any distance, like across a parking lot or a large room, w/o a wall to follow, or a table or chair to touch en route, or a stroller or cart to be able to lean on, is at least mildly stressful and requires concentration. No one would know from watching me but I sure do move slowly and deliberately – no freeflow movement here! I feel unsteady and like I’m swaying, even though I may not be (though I was a couple weeks ago). The headaches are better, but my head is still tender to the touch across a very large portion of the top and back, and I have trouble concentrating for lengths of time. I got the taxes done and mailed on time, but I’m relieved to not have to do so much paper or computer work at a sitting now. Reading is sometimes fine, but other times my eyes just get tired from it quickly so sometimes there’s not a lot to do when I’m resting. And Elizabeth has watched way too much TV (Jonathan’s just too busy to sit and watch for any length of time . . . he’s been a real handful!) I get shaky sometimes when I’m out and wonder if I’m overdoing it but it’s hard to say. Looking and reaching up causes me to get dizzy without fail, so there are things I have a hard time getting out or putting away. I lost my balance just the other day getting some playdough down off a shelf for the kids to play with (my way of getting thru the afternoon until dinner!) and was able to avoid falling by grabbing onto the closet doors (which of course wobble). That was good but I am afraid sometimes I may be taking too many risks. Yet I don’t really know what’s risky and what isn’t and I do have four young children who need me.
In the midst of all this, there are so many things I have found to be thankful for. First of all, for God’s provision in my mother-in-law’s being here. There are so many scenarios I can think of of what might have happened had I gotten dizzy while out picking the kids up from school or if I might have been home but unable to go get them. Just Monday at my monthly mom’s group, Cross Connections, the speaker touched on God as the sustainer of life and I sure resonated with that as truth. I’ve seen him give me life these past two weeks and as I realize how serious my fall and my hitting my head was, I realize again that he gave me life – this life and these weeks - and we never know when either our health or our life might be taken fromus. As awful as I’ve felt at times, I’m here and I’m glad for it. And all my real needs have been provided for abundantly, even the emotional ones. If that’s not enough, Elizabeth began wearing “big girl underpants” April 2nd when mom was here to help with the “real potty training” (like she needed much help, my little independent one), and she’s fully potty trained despite all the chaos and illness etc. She even survived diarrhea (and I gave three baths in two hours) one afternoon/evening. No more pull-ups for her! We’re all excited. Matthew and Emily walked home from school w/o a grown up – big responsibility! A 5th grade friend of ours accompanied them each of the two times they have done this and it went really well both times. How exciting. Matthew was “spotlight student” for a whole week (the week of the 2nd) and that was a real honor. We managed to do everything we neeeded to for him that week despite my being largely incapacitated and he really enjoyed the time, especially when mom (grandma) was his special guest one of the mornings. And Emily continues to excel in school (she received a terrific report card and we had a great parent teacher conference last week) She manages being the oldest with a great deal of grace, responsibility, and enthusiasm. She really does enjoy her siblings and we’ve expected a lot of her during this time; she has risen to the challenges, and we’ve worked to help her find down time and space. I admit I especially enjoy her reading to the other kids (and me) and this is a highlight of our days when she does.
We don’t know how long this will go on, and that does cause me some concern, I admit, though I think it’s still within the realm of normal and expected, especially after a concussion (I think I hit really hard). I plan to check in with the doctor again next week to be sure this is the case. I had thought by now I ought to be able to go to the grocery store if need be without worrying about being dizzy, but I can’t. This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go, but it does mean I should ask the question of whether or not to go on a given day. The headaches still come, the tylenol still helps, and the work of being mom, wife, and home manager is still hard. I move slowly and the world does still sometimes spin. I need to rest. The kids (and others) can’t see when it does or when I’m tired or when I just need to lie down or sit for a few minutes, and it requires communication and lots of love and patience from all of us. Thankfully, school vacation is next week (we’ll have the whole week off for me to continue resting) and perhaps things will be much improved by the following week when they go back. That is what we’re hoping. Please do pray for stamina and for wisdom and as applicable, for a complete restoration to health.
