Our Family Journal

I am slowly reading a book entitled “Chronic Kids, Constant Hope” I bought a couple weeks ago and I am loving it. I also don’t think you need to have a “chronic kid” or even a health issue to enjoy it. I think it speaks to our own brokenness and of what hope in God looks like in a broken world. In any case, I personally want to take the book apart, piece by piece, and work through it. I want to make a list of the scripture references and go read them, every one of them, over and over and pray them over and over, memorize them if possible and put them into practice. I want to live what I am reading – a faith that does not fail; a trust in my heavenly father who is sovereign, who is dependable, who is loving and kind and trustworthy, and who is my constant companion and surety. I want the scriptures to speak to me – not just “where I am” in the particular circumstances of a particular day or moment - but definitely to me where I am wherever that may be. I want to know God sees and hears my particular moments, and I also want to know he’s bigger, beyond them, and in and over and through them too. Whether it be our health issues or our financial issues or our spiritual issues or our marital or parenting or neighborhood issues, I want to know – really know – that God IS. And I want his words to be on my tongue, to encourage me, to encourage my kids, my husband, my church family, my extended family, my neighbors, my friends, and strangers I meet along the way.

And when I’m not working thru all that scripture, I want to do the other things they talk about in this book, like document all that God is doing in me lately, the events of the past few weeks, even the past few years and what we’re going through. Where we’ve been. Where we are, and where we’re going (so far as we know anyway). I want to look at my heart and share it with God and ask him to work in me. I want “go through Psalms and write out as many promises as [I] can find and memorize them; repeat them over and over to [my]self; live from promise to promise… (p.52).” And so on through the book and all its ideas and suggestions. There is so much from this book I could do and see immense value in doing (and I’m not even halfway through it!)

In the past twenty-four hours, I managed on top of everything else going on to hurt my back and so I’m spending a lot of the weekend lying on the couch. And while there, I read (p.48); “Suddenly I could allow myself the freedom to say without reservation that this was hard for me. I wasn’t going to be the perfect Christian, mother, wife, etc. I didn’t have it all together.” Amen. That’s where I am right now – totally seeing my brokenness (back issues underlining the point), my complete inability to accomplish that which I set out to do even day to day, and I see my neediness so fresh before me. It’s actually freeing to see it, to recognize it, to call it what it is, and to know that God can take my brokenness, my neediness, my failures and my pitiful efforts at whatever I’m trying to do, and he can overcome them. In my weakness he truly is made strong. I am so thankful for all he’s doing in our lives and in our family. I am so glad I can say with confidence that I am his and he is mine. It gives me hope and confidence to know that I am secure in his hands. What a good place to be. But it is hard. And as Wesley in The Princess Bride would say, whoever says life will be easy is lying to you (or selling you something).